Steel Panther has been a crazy success over the past couple of years, is heavy metal well and truly back?
I believe so, right now I’m at a strip joint and I told them to turn the music down but they’re playing Dr. Feelgood by Mötley Crüe which is a bitchin’ heavy metal song. Just before that they played Eyes Of A Panther which is one of our songs, there is about seven girls in this strip joint and about three of them are really hot and four of them are not very hot but they all have their tits out and they’re really shaking their tits to the songs. Which I think is proof that heavy metal is badass. You know that heavy metal rules because these strippers wouldn’t be shaking their tits if you were playing Justin Bieber or Radiohead or something.
So what role do you think Steel Panther has played in bringing back heavy metal?
I think we were the ones that really did the most, we deserve the most credit. First of all, we’re really good looking dudes and even if we didn’t have bitchin’ records, a lot of people would say “those guys look really good, I wanna look like that.” We took the steps to really bring back spandex and rip our t-shirts up and wear eyeliner and we look fucking totally bitchin’. In the 90s and the 2000s there was a lot of bands where you couldn’t tell whether the guitar player in the band was the roadie or a guy that worked at the supermarket. Then we were like “fuck that dude, I want to know that the guitar player is the guitar player and not the fucking guy at the gas station”. You want to actually know who is in the band, and the way you do that is poofing your hair up and putting on spandex and lipstick and shit. That’s why I think we’re a big part of why heavy metal is back.
Can you tell us a bit about your latest single Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World?
I love that song and the video was a blast to do. I like to write songs about partying because I like to party, I am partying right now – I’m getting a table dance right now from a girl and her tits are right down next to my balls! So I party all the time and I thought “gosh, I party so hard every day but what would I do if it was my last day to party? If tomorrow was the end of the world, would I party harder?” and of course I would, because there is shit that I haven’t done. I have never bungee jumped from a 747, but I always think about it when I’m on a plane, like would the cord break or would I just bounce back. But you got to try that shit you know. If you have one day left you have to try some shit out, you have to party as hard as you can, you have to have sex with as many girls as you can and maybe even have sex with a dude, I don’t know, just change shit up you know what I mean. The world is going to end, you need to try some new shit, like sushi, you ever tried sushi before?
Yeah it’s really good and some people have never tried it. How about a chocolate covered grasshopper?
Nah, I can’t say that I have
I would say if tomorrow is the end of the world, don’t try that because it tastes like shit and you’re going to die with that shitty taste in your mouth.
The video was pretty rad, what was it like partying with Steve-O, Ron Jeremy and Walter Jr?
Walter Jr is rad dude! He actually totally did barf in our video which shows you that that guy totally knows how to fucking party. He actually does know how to cook meth which I was surprised about, they really take their research seriously on Breaking Bad. Ron Jeremy, that dude has got a gigantic dick, and I know you know that, but at his age he can’t get a boner no more. So we were partying with him, and we all wanted to see his dick because it was so big and he pulled it out and it wouldn’t get hard and slapped it across some girl’s face which was fun to watch. Everybody was just partying so hard, it really was like we were partying like tomorrow was the end of the world. Our bass player Lexxi, we didn’t explain to him that the song was just a song about what it would be like, he really did think that tomorrow was going to be the end of the world so he was really scared.
The single comes from your upcoming record All You Can Eat, can you tell us about the record?
Yeah, it’s fucking rad. We’ve got a bunch of bitchin’ songs and it’s going to be really hard for people to pick their favourite song because all of the songs are awesome. There’s a song called 10 Strikes You’re Out which I think everybody can relate to. It’s about if your bitch is fucking up, you can give her like nine chances and then on the tenth one you gotta fucking fire her. So that’s a good song. There’s a song called Glory Hole and everyone can relate to that one as well because everyone goes down to the glory hole once and a while because it’s badass to get your dick sucked by someone you don’t know. There’s also a song called Gang Bang At The Old Folk’s Home, that’s a great song I don’t even have to explain that to you
(laughs) I think that one explains itself
(laughs) Exactly! And there’s another song called Bukake Tears, do you know what bukake is?
Well bukake is bitchin’ and if you’re a heavy metal man you know all about that song because there was this girl who thought she’d love to get bukake and then she changes her mind but her face is so covered that you can’t tell that she’s crying.
So how do you go about writing these Steel Panther songs?
A lot of it comes from real life experiences, you know. Like Gang bang At The Old Folk’s Home that was something that happened and it was so bizarre that I really had to write a song about it. I wanted to share the experience with the world. When you’re singing about fucking a bunch of old people in the same room people would think that it was gross, you know like a bunch of saggy tits and wrinkled balls in the same room. But really, it was super sexy. A lot of young people think “yeah I’m fucking a lot right now, but what am I going to do when I’m like 80 that’s going to suck” but dude, those 80 year olds just want to fuck everybody, it’s crazy. They’re a bunch of horny old bastards.
You’re returning to Australia for the third time in less than two years, what keeps you guys coming back?
The hot bitches is the first thing that we come down there for, there’s a lot of hot bitches. I think that Australia have some of the finest bitches in the southern hemisphere. I would say one out of every three girls in Australia is fucking hot and I would have sex with that one and leave the other two for the other guys.
It seems like every time you come here the shows are packed and the venues keep getting bigger, why do you think Aussies have taken to Steel Panther so well?
I think it’s because of our honesty and we admit that we lie to do dirty things and get high and party and fuck bitches. A lot of people when they interact in everyday society, they can’t talk about how high they got or how bitchin’ the anal sex was that they had last night. Because you’re at your job and your boss doesn’t want to hear about you fucking some girl in the ass, but it is fun to talk about that kind of shit and it’s fun to talk about putting your penis in buttholes. When you’re at a Steel Panther show everybody can sing along about fucking a girl in the butthole. To me that’s like one of funnest things you can do.
So you have been on the STD tour for a while now around the world, how has it all been so far?
Oh my god it’s been really amazing. Everybody seems to be really enjoying our live show, we’ve really stepped it up. We have a part in the show where we fire little people, little dwarfs, out of cannons and they land in the crowd. If you’re not careful you can get hit right in the head with a dwarf. Have you ever been hit in the head with a dwarf?
Nah, fortunately I haven’t
That’s good because it hurts like a mother fucker. Some of those little dwarfs are really compact, it’s like a cannonball. As much as it hurts to get hit, it’s funnier than fuck to watch someone get hit by a dwarf. So we’ve been firing dwarfs at the shows, we have lots of flames. We lit Lexxi on fire, he wears this mask so his hair is protected and then we light him on fire and put him out, it’s fucking awesome. There was a girl at one of the shows that gave birth, she gave birth on stage which was awesome.
That’s pretty different
Yeah I know, and I’m not kidding you the baby’s little tiny baby hand was in the shape of the shocker. (laughs) How weird is that!?
That is definitely weird (laughs). So finally, it’s called the Spreading The Disease tour, exactly what diseases will you be spreading down here?
Well, all of them because we pretty much have them all at this point. We don’t wear condoms because you can’t catch herpes twice so we’re basically going to be screwing as many girls as we can and unfortunately we can’t leave our diseases in America, we’re going to have to bring them down there with us.